Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
