somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
