I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
