In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
