My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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