You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Who died my cat blue again?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
