i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
