So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
