Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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