youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He felt like a one man threesome
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
