I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
