so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
