I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was confusing and full of hummus
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
