At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
