I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
