she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
