I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize