i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize