dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
