i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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