my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
