I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
