I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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