Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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