I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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