I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
