I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
