My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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