What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
