At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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