Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
