I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
