and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
