Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize