i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize