Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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