How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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