Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
