Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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