That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
