I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
