thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
