Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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