I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
