It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
NoShamevember. You game?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
