i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
