I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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