Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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