I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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