So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
