I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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