High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
