So drunk its hurt
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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