chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
