oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
