It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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