dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
