had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
