your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
