Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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