Screwed.edu
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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