I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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