You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
