R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
